Comments on: Think you know the parts to a knife? Don’t be so sure – take our test to see.

By: poisonedpirate

poisonedpirate — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 04:16:59 +0000

It’s okay, and unlike the others I was sucked into it and read to the end.

However the scene with James? Totally taken from Doctor Who. I think you need to reread that and then rewrite it because it’s almost word for word.

Apart from that it’s well written and I felt sorry for Sally with all her troubles and stress – I can relate to that lol!

Keep writing!
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By: P T Griffin

P T Griffin — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 04:14:59 +0000

(First of all, people who critique your grammar and spelling should really check their own!)

Your is an elaborate story but, like everyone else has indicated, it seems to meander along to some unknown destination. In other words, where is the story going? What is the message?

It seems to me that you could use this as a good start to getting your words on paper-but not as a finished product.

Sometimes it helps to disect your work paragraph by paragraph–take a close look at the point of view and make adjustments accordingly. Do you think this might work for you as a "diary" of sorts??

Best,
Pamela Tyree Griffin, Editor of
http://joyfulonline.net
http://theshinejournal.com
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By: Melissa L.

Melissa L. — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 04:12:59 +0000

To be completely honest, I only read the first paragraph and a bit… these are the most important words you can ever add to a novel, its what pulls a reader in.
First, you’re completely lost when it comes to grammer and spelling.
Second, it’s BORING! (No offence, sometimes constructive critisism is needed.)
Third, basically I feel I don’t know what the point of reading it. Sure, my limbs are stressed or whatever, and this person has a busy schedule… it’s not working out, its a horrible way to start a story.

I know this was/may have been completely rude but I just want to help, books are supposed to be enjoyable and if you want to make it, you need to know the basics as to whats wrong with your writing.
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By: kat

kat — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 04:10:59 +0000

I think you give too much detail in the first chapter. Start with some action, then explain.
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By: Persiphone_Hellecat

Persiphone_Hellecat — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 04:08:59 +0000

Sorry but it just doesn't do enough to drag me into the story. Too much showing rather than telling. I want to know more about what's inside the characters. What you offer readers is very superficial. Dig deeper. Pax-C
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By: gyrene71

gyrene71 — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 04:06:59 +0000

Sorry, not doing it for me.
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By: The Doctor.

The Doctor. — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 04:04:41 +0000

Is anyone willing to critique my story so far?
First, you’re completely lost when it comes to grammer and spelling.
-x-
I like your answer, and I’ll heed it, Melissa, but I spell the British way, so everything might seem topsy-turvy.